Dear Santa,

I would like to start by thanking you for the addition of your elf, Arthur, to our crazy household. He is such a joy! He listens ever so quietly as the kids all scream various requests to him...today's favorite being "ARTHUR! Tell Santa not to give any presents to mom this year! She's MEAN!"

See, Santa, I've been trying to come up with creative ways to entertain my little children during the days. Since we have no car (um, #1 request on the list), we are stuck indoors...until the weather warms up to an appropriate temperature of at least 50 degrees, which hasn't been happening before 3:00 pm lately. Awesome. Today's "fun" involved a tea party with muffins and chocolate sprinkles (which the husband mistook for mouse poop as he was sweeping this evening), two yoga videos to calm them down, and a make-your-own-mashed-potatoes lunch! I thought they would be so happy to have done all of that today, but, alas, Arthur has heard no less than 3 times about how mean I am and how few presents I deserve. Sigh.

If you DO decide I deserve a gift, however, here are some things it has come to my attention we desperately need:
1. Car. I think I detailed that above. I'm not picky. It doesn't have to be flashy...just an A to B automobile that will seat at least 5.
2. Food. Do you have any idea how much 4 children between the ages of 2 and 5 eat every day? Add to that the 31 year old man who has a bottomless pit for a stomach. O. M. G. I should most definitely be able to lose weight simply because there is never food in the house long enough for me to have time to eat it! We go through a gallon of milk a day, 4-6 boxes of cereal per week, a bag of apples every other day, cheese, cheese, and more cheese, a box of fish sticks in one night, hot dogs go as fast as I can bring them home, a loaf of bread a day...do I need to go on?
3. Empty notebooks. Seriously, my kids could care less about coloring books...they just want to "journal"! I blame Shark Boy and Lava Girl...actually, I blame Max and all his dreams. (by the way, NOT complaining about them wanting to write and draw...just really want them to do it in their OWN notebooks and not MINE!) haha
4. Quiet pills? Or fairy dust that renders kids unable to speak at a level louder than necessary to get their point across? Just asking. (side note: when I was younger I asked Santa for Supergirl potion to make me fly. I was SO convinced I would get it that I told everyone to watch out...after Christmas, I would be FLYING down the halls at school. He didn't come through for me then. I feel good about this one.)
5. Forks and spoons. Seems like such a simple request, doesn't it? The fact is, we switched over to all plastic several months ago when we flat RAN OUT OF SPOONS. Like, they all disappeared. So, we bought a box of 100 spoons and figured that would last us. Then we RAN OUT OF FORKS. I am not lying! It was eery!! We bought a box of 100 forks. We run out every other week. I keep thinking maybe the kids have found a secret hiding place for them? Are they building a fort in their playroom closet (that I have stopped entering because of how crazy trashed it is)? Maybe they are burying them in the yard in hopes of growing a crazy silverware (er, plasticware) tree? Whatever it is, they are gone. Nowhere to be found. It's crazy. (by the way, we wash the plastic utensils, not throw them away each time)

I think that's all on my list. The kids' lists keep changing, so I'm not really sure what you will be bringing them this year...but I would like to cancel Conner's request at the pancake breakfast for a "video game". We don't own a gaming system...it would absolutely NOT work out to get him a DS and nobody else in the house (including Shaun). I don't know why you said "yes" at the fire station, but I'm sure it had something to do with how nicely he and I were dressed. Something about a stained shirt and too-big pants for me, and his lovely Transformers costume under sweat-pants? I can see how you might mistake us for a wealthy family.

Love you!