Week 31: Day 6

Gooooooood morning!!!

Sorry I haven't been around.  No excuses will be shared.  Trust me, I have lots, though.  I just woke up and don't have my thoughts about me enough to have a great posting, but here are some bullet points I would like to share...

*  I officially signed up and paid my fee for Zombie Buffet 5K!  I signed up as a runner and chose wave 2 as my first choice or wave 3 as my second choice.  Basically, they are going to "release" the runners in 4 different waves and each of those waves will determine how many zombies you are likely to encounter during your run.  It's all very technical.  Hahaha!  I cannot wait.  I have thinking about a costume...not completely sure exactly what just yet, but cheerleader seems like an okay costume to run in, wouldn't you agree?

*  A few of the girls from my Mayor's Challenge 5K team have started training with the various offerings already!!  If you are interested, check out their website here for a list of all the groups that are meeting and when.  After the half marathon, I plan to meet at the McCabe Community Center for their 9 am runs on Saturdays.  Also, the Green Hills YMCA is offering trainings during the week on Tuesday and Thursdays at 11:30 (and Fridays).  You do not have to be a member if you are working towards the Mayor's Run! 

*  I have signed up for Shrinkvivor 2011!!  It is a 7 week Challenge offered up here.  Looks like a lot of fun and a good way for me to get back on track and have someone else tell me what to do!  Plus, you all know this girl likes a little competition.  ;)  I encourage you all to join up!!  There is even a non-weight loss group for those who want to participate in the " weekly physical challenges, check-ins, immunity idols, tribal councils" without losing any weight.  The registration lasts until Wednesday, September 21st, which is when they will randomly place you on a team of 7 and the challenge will begin on the following Wednesday, September 28th.

That's all my points for today, I think.  I am heading out in about an hour for my 10-miler, and then next weekend is the HALF!!  I am very excited.  I got a new shirt last night (yes, I will be wearing it for my run today to "test it out") and I am now looking for a white runner's skirt.  The black one would work fine, but I think a white one would be "prettier" with the socks I have chosen.  I'm such a girl, right?  This week I will only be doing 9 miles total throughout the week and I am definitely using Thursday as a FULL rest day.  Friday will be a "cross training with the kids" day...no plans yet, but I will try to at least be a little bit active with them to get my "jitters" out! 

Diet-wise, I don't know what to say.  I wish I could say I've been all good and on point...but I haven't.  I have been allowing myself bites here and nibbles there and a full slice of pizza last night.  It's just been hard!  For several reasons.  It seems that on days when I don't run (which suppresses my appetite for a good 2-3 hours), I am starving, like, alllllll day long!  I will eat the same breakfast as on any other day, but it will just do nothing but seem to fuel my hunger.  Very frustrating!  I should be using my Sensa, but I keep forgetting to sprinkle it on my foods!  Also, when I have a whey protein shake, or I'm eating a piece of fruit (like an apple or peach), I can't use it.  It's hard to form a habit with this, for some reason.  I have never been a big "seasoner" once my food is ready to be eaten, so that may be one problem.

Know what?  Basically...dieting is HARD.  It has become harder now that I've lost a lot of weight.  Hovering between 50 and 55 pounds lost is awesome, but I keep thinking about a time in my life when I weighed what I weigh now and I wanted to lose weight!  I want to have the stamina for that girl!  I will not, will not, will NOT give up.  I plan to kick ass at the Shrinkvivor Challenge and finish up these 40 weeks with a BANG!  I may be behind schedule, but that is NO reason to think I should stop here.  I can totally do this.

I found these pictures online...look how skinny my leg looks!
And, no, I am not wearing shin guards.  Haha.

Yeeeehaw!!  Have a great day,
xoxo

Week 30: Day 6

Just a quickie...

I apparently have an issue with being "good" 2 weeks in a row.  Haha.  I was so excited about this meal plan and loving the foods, but somehow this week I have just been going astray!  Crazy.  It's all about the peanut butter and honey for some reason.  Why did I even buy the honey???  I actually had a recipe call for it...then I changed my mind on the recipe.  Grrrr. 

Turns out having a "baguette" in the house was a bad idea, too. 

Anyway, I am going to give this Sensa a shot.  I am going to really focus on that this week...I will try to also eat right, but let's really see if this stuff works!  The point appears to be to make you feel full so you don't eat too much...I don't usually pay attention to whether or not I am "full", but I will try this week.  Haven't I said before, "You can do anything for a week!"  Or two, or whatever.

That's my plan.  I will run and I will sprinkle (Sensa).  Yay! 

By the way, the running is going great...I'm heading out right now for a nice 9-ish miles...58 degrees and dark out.  I'm doing a large portion of the Half Marathon route, so that will be interesting.  I have been doing a separate portion so far.  Okay, gotta go.

Quickie...

Well, I have fallen, fallen, fallen.  After two wonderful days of talking with friends and making new friends and "bragging" on myself...I just gorged on some stupid pastries that shouldn't have even been in my house.  Seriously. 

So, this slip brought me to the computer to google "fastest diet ever".  Just to see.  Maybe I should do a "cleanse" or some sort of diet that will kick my butt and make me appreciate broccoli and carrots.  Because, I feel like if I eat another damn carrot, I am going to scream!  I didn't really want those silly pastries, but it looked so much more appetizing than anything else in my refrigerator!  I had a wonderful lunch, a big salad with some turkey sausage and it was delicious!  And filling!  I was not hungry.  I just went crazy.  I can blame lots of things - Zoe not napping, the laundry not folding itself, the rain and thunder, the major thought process involved with planning out healthy meals while the family still gets to eat spaghetti.  Yeah, I've thought a lot about the why.  However, let's be honest...the answer is ME.  I made a choice.  We have been talking a lot in this house about choices and their consequences.  I alter my parenting tactics on a regular basis (weekly...sometimes daily), and I am trying the natural consequence tactic right now.  To an extent.  Don't ask how it's working.  Jus t to bring myself to the conclusion to own up to my own personal CHOICE of eating those pastries.  I will be the one to suffer the consequence of potential weight gain.  And now I'm even madder at myself!!!!

Okay, back to the google search.  When I searched I was led on another search and another...brought me around to a whole cluster/gaggle/group of blogs written by already skinny women who want to be skinnier.  They all deny any eating disorders, but they also write openly about lying to their spouses and saying they have eaten more that day than they truly have.  They write about wanting to see their bones...they post pictures of super skinny, scary models and write notes about how beautiful that is.  WHAT?!?!?  Okay.  I have joked often about wanting, just once!, for someone to refer to me as skinny.  Just last night I was talking with a friend about how much I would love for a close friend/relative to tell me they thought I should put on a few pounds.  I realize I am not at that place right now, but I do think it would be fun - for my birthday in October, maybe? - to hear those words.  Just once!  Know what I would do immediately?  Eat an entire pizza, drink a couple pitchers of beer, and take a NAP!  I would relish the fact that someone was concerned with my thinness, and then I would promptly correct it.  At least, I think I would.

I cannot believe there is an actual 5'5" woman out there who thinks she is fat at 134 pounds!  She literally describes herself as "furious" about her weight.  Being about 5'8"-5'9", I have seen ranges for a healthy weight usually topping out at about 170.  I would LOVE to be there!  I would even, likely, call that low enough for some wiggle room.  However, my 190's are done.  I'm over them.  I want to see the 180's SO SO SO bad.

I'm not sure what my point of this posting was, but I just had to write.  I just have to assure everyone I am in no way wanting my rib bones to show.  I have zero interest in looking "breakable".  I just want to be thin and fit into cute clothes and feel comfortable.  I enjoy eating healthy, but I want to be at a place where I can eat a pastry or two and not get so ridiculously angry with myself that I continue on to eat 5 or 6!!  Where is that healthy mindset? 

Week Sixteen: Day Two

I am nervous, nervous, nervous to weigh in tomorrow.  I gotta be honest...I am losing steam.  Yes, the month of June is a new month!  New goals!  New competition!  However, today is still May.  I have not been a huge fan of May, 2011.

Today's gripes include a minimally (if at all) working A/C in the house, my van which is currently at the Firestone Complete Auto Care getting it's oil changed, and the 90+ degree weather outside.  Oh, and the no school day.  Oh, and I. Am. Hungry.  No...let's keep it honest.  Not hungry - BORED.  Utterly bored.  However, this boredom is a lot like when I was bored in my teens...there is plenty for me to do.  I just don't want to do it.  The more I move around the house, the higher my body temp seems to rise...this is the best excuse for sitting on my butt all day I have ever heard!  The boys are watching a movie, Zoe is taking a (very early) nap, and I am hiding out in my bedroom with the computer, just watching the minutes tick by...and I do mean minutes.  How slowly time passes when all you want is for it to be tomorrow!!  Better yet - I can hardly wait for Thursday!

I guess I should start with dealing with today, though.  So, here's the deal.  Today I will eat my allotted calories, drink my allotted Slim Fast shakes, and drink my required water.  I will walk to Firestone when Shaun gets home (1.3 miles), rather than hitch a ride with someone.  I will NOT step on the scale until tomorrow morning.  I will not beat myself up for having a couple (maybe few) off days this past month. 

Let's see if I can drum up a little excitement for June, though...I did work up my month plan this morning!  First three days will be Slim Fast because I have some left over and I cannot go grocery shopping until Thursday.  The 4th through the 20th will be the 17-day diet.  I have bookmarked the important parts in my Kindle book and I will eat exactly what they suggest for the first 17 days.  At the end of these days, I will decide whether to continue with "Cycle 2" of the 17-day-diet, or switch it up to Special K for the final 10 days of the month.  I am setting my own personal goal of 10 pounds for the month.  This may go up based on tomorrow's weight, but I want my goal to be less than 190 by July.  Technically, based on my original goal and number of weeks, I could weigh 208 and still be on track.  Wow.  I hadn't done the math before right now...

That does fire me up!!  That is awesome!!!  To think I have actually SEEN the 190's already is just flat out fantastic!!  Rock on, sister Audrey.  You have come far.  You are wearing clothes you couldn't even squeeze into 4 months ago.  You are run/walking over 2 miles in under 30 minutes three times a week!!  You are well on your way to meeting Goal #1 of 80 pounds AND Goal #2 of completing a 1/2 marathon!!  Do it.  Not only for yourself and your family, but for the sweet friends and acquaintances reading here and cheering you on.  YEEEEHAW!!!

Yeah, this post ended differently than I thought it would, but I think this is much better.  :)

xoxo

Week Fourteen: Day Two

2 minute post...

I was awful yesterday.  I allowed demons in my head and binged on a sweet treat I made for the kids.  It wasn't tasty, it wasn't healthy, it wasn't one single thing I needed yesterday, but it quieted the "Monster".  The kids were wild, I was stressed. 

No excuses.

I went for a run last night and talked to God the entire time.  He consoled me and reminded me to turn to HIM, not food. 

I got back to good for "dinner", breakfast this morning has been wholly satisfying - even if it is carrots and coffee!  Ha, ha.  I have my lunch packed, full day planned with my baby girl, and I will not stray today.  I am determined and the One I need is on my side!!

I hope you all have a great day!

Until tomorrow...xoxo